Perfectionism Is the Voice of the Oppressor
I started a new job last week, which reinvigorated the steps of the working motherhood dance, the push and pull of demands and desires, the panicked feeling of "there’s no way I can swing all of this."
At night, I lie in bed imagining the pieces of my life like I’m trying to fit them into a compact car––what if I moved this here, took this out, replaced this with this? Then maybe I could stand back, satisfied, knowing at least the essentials are accounted for.
It’s in seasons of transition that my perfectionism really shows through. But I’m not your stereotypical perfectionist. My penmanship and my appearance and my gift wrapping skills all attest to that. For me, perfectionism is having an ideal in my mind for everything, and striving every second to make my reality match that ideal. It’s exhausting.
Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life… I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it. ––Anne Lamott
I bought a new letter board for our dining room, mainly so I could display that line about perfectionism being the voice of the oppressor. Because when my mind feels "cramped and insane," when it feels like the walls are closing in on me, I want to remember that there's another way to be. Maybe I don't have to look at my feet. Maybe nothing has to be just right. Maybe I can have a lot more fun.
Articles
I'll Be Right Back isn't an article, it's a "parenting newsletter" by writer Laura Hazard Owen, but basically it's an expertly crafted essay sent to your inbox on a seemingly unpredictable schedule. They're always darkly funny but also warm and poignant. I loved this recent one about taking her child along to a Botox appointment.
The Best Skin-Care Trick is Being Rich - man, I loved this. I have so many thoughts about the rise of skin care as self-care, and feel constantly conflicted about it. I want nice skin! I want to look young and dewy AF and somehow experience this incredibly tender care for myself every time I apply a face mask. But I don't actually want to spend the time or money required. Anyway, add to it the fact that it's all kind of futile if you can't do weekly facials and buy $100/jar creams...OK, I don't want to bum you out, so hopefully this article will give you a sense of freedom...yes?
A Vasectomy Story - No books this week because I have the same ones on my nightstand, so I'm offering an extra internet article! How often have you read a man's take on the nitty gritty of getting a vasectomy? Probably never. Emily Henderson is an interior decorator/blogger and Target spokesperson, but the reason I follow her is for her parenting content, which she delivers once every couple months or so, but in such a refreshingly honest way that it really stays with me. This article is about Emily and her husband's decision-making process about whether they were done with kids, and what to do about it (hence, the vasectomy story). Skip down to Brian's part if you just want the gory details. ;)
Podcasts + Music (!)
Undoing the Shame of Our Body Image Struggles with Hillary McBride, on Jen Hatmaker's For the Love podcast, is the single best podcast episode I have listened to in months. If you are a person with a body, put this on the top of your must-listen list. Hillary McBride does such a good job of introducing simple paradigm shifts that can truly change everything for us.
This section is usually reserved for podcast episodes because I'm not very much of a music person (cut to me, driving in the car in complete silence). BUT, my friend Katie recently sent me the song "Let Me Down Easy" by Australian indie rock band Gang of Youths and it is everything I want in a song: upbeat, with inspiring lyrics, and makes me want to dance.
TV/Movies
Trevor Noah: Son of Patricia (Netflix) - Another Netflix comedy special?! Yep, and I'm not sorry. You won't be, either, if you decide to spend an hour hanging with Trevor Noah, South African-born comedian and host of the Daily Show. The whole thing just feels like you're hanging out with the funniest person at a party, the one who is crazy-good at telling hilarious stories.
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (Netflix) - I never wanted to read this book and was reluctant to watch the film based on its ridiculous title (which, incidentally, is explained in the first scene of the film). But I'm so glad I finally pressed play, because the backdrops of the island of Guernsey are insanely beautiful, and the story––about resiliency, community, and the families we choose––lingered with me after I watched it. Lily James annoys me (she always seems like she's trying to act human?), but the rest of the cast is wonderful!
Products
Let's keep it simple here and talk about this dog puzzle I got for my Bichon, Asher, for Christmas. It's a level two in difficulty, which meant it took a few times for him to figure it out, and even still, it can take him 15 minutes to finish his dinner if I put it in all the little hiding places in this puzzle. If you have a dog who has to sit at home alone all day sometimes so you come home feeling guilty about his lack of mental stimulation, maybe this puzzle will help?
Wrapping Up
I know it's not just me––January feels like the longest month EVER. Maybe that's why I've been manically trying to research/plan/book trips for the coming year? I need some forward motion (even though I just started a new job...idk, I'm a complicated person).
Have something to say? Just hit reply! I love hearing from you. Hope you're doing well, and I'll see you back here in two weeks!
Warmly,
Joy
P.S. Some of you have asked how to share Midweek Joy (thank you!). Forward it to a friend, or share the profile page (tinyletter.com/joynetanyathompson) on your social media, if you'd like! If you want to share a specific letter, go to that profile page, then click "View Letter Archive," then click on your desired letter and share that link! I usually make the letters public about 3 days after sending them to subscribers.
P.P.S. Also, you can always hang out with me on Instagram or peep my decade's worth of blog archives.