Don’t get me wrong, Babes is laugh-out-loud funny and also deeply gross at times, but the heart of the movie is not about pregnancy or even motherhood––it’s about friendship. The kind of friendship that spans decades, weathers storms, and even lies dormant for seasons. The movie starts out with Eden (Ilana Glazer) and Dawn (Michelle Buteau) indulging in one of their long-held friendship traditions of going to a movie on Thanksgiving morning.
But it’s already clear how, even though their love for each other is strong, the two women’s lives are worlds apart. Dawn is married, has a demanding job as a dentist, is the mother to a toddler, and is about to give birth to her second child. Eden, in contrast, is a single yoga teacher whose only obligation is to herself. You can see how she tries to be there for Dawn but she truly does not understand what Dawn’s life is like. Later, when Eden is pregnant and Dawn is finally *not* pregnant and the two go on a babymoon, it’s Dawn who’s clueless about Eden’s experience, seeming to forget how all-consuming the emotions and discomforts of a first pregnancy can be. It’s painful to watch the friends keep missing each other, misunderstanding each other, and overestimating what the other can give.
It was also painful to think about times in my life when I’ve been Dawn or Eden to my friends. When one of my best friends got married and had her first child, we were living in completely different realities. Not only did we live an hour away from each other, but I was in grad school and single, worried about exams and sitting in bars talking about theology. She was learning how to be a wife and a mother, all while working a full-time job. I remember asking some questions to try to understand what it was like for her, but I know now that I wasn’t there for her the way a new mom needs her friend to be.
Later, when I had my baby, that same friend was raising three kids, still working, and still living an hour away. I knew that we both had so much love for each other, but we couldn’t be in each other’s lives the way we wanted to. There were many times when I grieved that. I knew our friendship wasn’t over—it had started when we were babies ourselves, and we were more like sisters than friends. But it felt like our friendship was dormant. I missed the days when we saw each other all the time, just like I missed the other friends who were once a part of my daily life, who I did everything with, from running errands to going on a 14-hour road trip. I even wrote about my longing for an “everyday friend” a couple of years ago.
But then, last year, my friend with the three daughters whose life felt so far from mine suddenly moved to my town. The past year we’ve had afternoons at the pool with our kids and hangouts at each other’s houses. Our daughters took a dance class together during the school year, and we ended up starting to attend the same church. Last Saturday, when she was over at our house for dinner with her family, my friend and I reminisced about our childhoods and our wild trip to Europe in our 20s. When she left, I was filled with gratitude. There’s something so special about having a friend in your day-to-day who knows your family and every iteration of yourself. My friend and I only saw each other a few times a year for almost a decade, but now we live 7 minutes away.
And that’s why I cried at the end of Babes: after living four trains and two hours away from Eden in NYC, Dawn’s family moves to Queens, just a few blocks from Eden. They get to live their dream of raising their kids together. Sitting in the movie theater, I cried because I could relate to how wonderful it feels when, after a long winter, a friendship gets to bloom in another “summertime” season, however long it may last.
Articles
“Men Fear Me, Society Shames Me, and I Love My Life” by Glynnis MacNicol (NYT gift link) - I loved Glynnis MacNicol’s memoir “No One Tells You This” about being 40, single, childfree, and (spoiler alert) not miserable. I’m excited about her new book and I love how she keeps reminding us that, actually, women *do* have choices and making the unconventional choice does not always lead to misery as the patriarchy may want us to believe.
“Do You Have an Upper Limit Problem?” by Elise Loehnen - I found this article to be very thought provoking, as I’ve come up against my own resistance toward visibility, success, etc. Interested to hear your thoughts!
Podcasts
Jennifer Garner and Christy Turlington Talking Moms (Kelly Corrigan Wonders) - I really enjoyed this podcast series where Kelly Corrigan and Christy Turlington interview five different celebrities about their mothers. The Amy Schumer and Cindy Crawford episodes were also great.
Talk Easy with Pamela Adlon - The host of this show, Sam Fragoso, is an incredible interviewer, and listening to this finally made me go watch Pamela Adlon’s show Better Things, and now I’m obsessed (see below). In this interview she also talks about Babes, which she directed!
TV + Movies
Better Things (Hulu) - As mentioned above, I’m hooked on this comedy series. It’s kind of a dramedy, actually, about a single mom with three girls. Robert and I are almost done with the second season, and we both agree that it’s comforting, almost giving Parenthood vibes, although Better Things is a lot grittier. The best part is that it shows how a very flawed person can still be very lovable and a wonderful mom in her own way.
Babes (in theaters) - Not sure if Babes is still in the theater, but if it is, go see it! It’s so funny, real, and woman-centered. Go see it in the theater if only to show with your ticket sale that people want this type of movie and not just Marvel movies!
Books
Hello, Beautiful by Ann Napolitano - This book was everywhere last year but I finally read it and it gets FIVE STARS. This is my kind of book: Layered, multi-pov family saga stretching across decades with a focus on character development and themes of sisterhood, forgiveness, and self-acceptance. Absolutely loved it and did not want it to end!
In the Key of Us by Mariama J. Lockington - This is a gorgeous middle grade novel set at a music summer camp. The writing is lyrical and lush, and the depictions of grief and first crushes alike are so realistic and poignant. Good for adults or young teens!
Products
Owala Kids’ FreeSip - I finally broke down and bought Zadie her own (smaller) FreeSip after getting sick of her drinking out of mine “because it’s easier.” I love this water bottle, and now it’s perfect for hot days at Girl Scout camp, since it truly keeps water cold for hours and hours. FYI, there are different colorways available at Owala, Target, and Amazon, so you can check all three to find the color your kid wants.
Wrapping Up
Another quick and dirty edition of Midweek Joy because if I don’t send them like this, they’re not getting sent at all! We are heading out on a vacation soon (Disney cruise to Alaska! If you’ve been, SEND ME TIPS), and then I’m celebrating my 40th birthday, which I’m having so many big feelings about and I’m sure I’ll tell you all about them in a future newsletter. How are you doing? What kind of summer are you having (or hoping for)? Any book recs? I preordered Catherine Newman’s novel Sandwich to take on my trip and can’t wait to dive in.
I always love hearing from you, whether in the comments or in a reply directly to this email. Thank you for reading!
All Good Things,
Joy
I LOVED Hello, Beautiful! Cant wait to read her next book