Why You Should Book Yourself a Budget Cruise for Mother's Day

It's not chic or exotic, but it's an honest-to-god break.

“I want to get in my car and drive to Mexico.” 

That’s the code my sister and I use to mean “I am so done being a mom/caregiver/indentured servant to my child.” We’ve been using the code since our daughters were born a year apart. They’re now in elementary school. In the baby/toddler years, I’d fantasize about being diagnosed with an old-fashioned “nervous breakdown” and spending a month resting in a sanitorium on the coast, like a character in a Victorian novel. My sister Sarah dreamed of getting just sick or injured enough to spend a few days in the hospital, where she’d be free of caregiving obligations and have three meals a day delivered to her bedside while she watched endless Bravo shows. (The hospital fantasy is a real thing for tired moms!)

Since seaside sanitoriums don’t really exist anymore (I think?) and the hospital isn’t actually very relaxing (all that beeping), when Sarah and I were in a “drive-to-Mexico” state of burnout last fall, we started plotting a getaway––somewhere driving distance from our homes in Southern California. Palm Springs, maybe? But everything felt too expensive and not enough bang for our buck.

“What about a cheap cruise?” my sister asked in a voice message one day, about five seconds after I’d had the same thought (sister ESP works like that sometimes). She lived an Uber distance from the cruise ship terminal in Long Beach, and we could book a three-night cruise for a few hundred bucks out the door. That’s lodging, food, “entertainment” (more on that later), and even prepaid gratuities! Of course it didn’t count alcohol, but we’re not heavy drinkers, so our bar tab wouldn’t break the bank. 

Six weeks later, Sarah and I were standing on an upper deck of the Carnival Radiance “Fun Ship,” waving our arms in time with the music as the cruise director, Ricardo, pumped up the crowd for the Sail Away party. Were we 15 minutes from Sarah’s apartment? Yep. But we’d been instantly transported to Planet Vacation, complete with a mass of cruisers doing the Cha Cha Slide, drinks in hand. No one seemed self-conscious; everyone had checked their ego at the door and were ready for a Good Time^TM. And we were ready to join them. 

I’d already been looking forward to three days of no cooking or dishes, but the break from domestic tasks and caregiving went even beyond that. When Sarah and I arrived at our cabin, we found the beds had been pushed together to make a queen, when we’d requested two separate twins. Instantly, our cabin steward, Felipe, appeared, ready to fix the issue and ask if we needed anything else. And each evening in the restaurant, our servers were similarly kind and keenly interested in our preferences. Their attentiveness, along with the rest of the crew, felt strangely familiar––then I realized why. They were acting the way I do with my own daughter. I’m so quick to hop up and get her a tissue, a glass of water, a snack. Eager to make her comfortable and fix her blankets the way she likes. On the cruise ship, I was surrounded by a crew of “mothers” who, for once, took care of me. 

Another unexpected benefit of our cruise was that we had a break from decision-making. Esther Perel has written about how on a true vacation there must be an absence of the feeling of “should” or a pressured agenda. When you’re on a cruise (unless it’s a luxury cruise line), the food and entertainment options are all mediocre at best, which means the stakes are low. Should we get lunch from Shaq’s Big Chicken or Guy Fieri’s Burger Joint? Both will be a 5 out of 10, so it really doesn’t matter––the important part of lunch was that we ate it in the sun while having a conversation that wasn’t interrupted every five minutes by our kids. The entertainment was similar––we never felt bad for skipping out on the comedy act or the “America Rocks!” musical revue. We could just as soon skip it and go back to the room to watch our own shows on our phones. We didn’t feel like we were obligated to do anything––and, for a pair of exhausted moms, that was the whole point. 

The most surprising part of the cruise, though, was how fun it was. Our cruise director, Ricardo, was an expert party starter. He was funny, charming, and had nonstop energy. We found ourselves pulled into the fun on more than one occasion, including the Halloween party on deck where we did the Cupid Shuffle in our thrown-together hippie costumes. And, two nights in a row, we joined the crowd in the atrium for themed singalongs led by Ricardo. Sarah and I leaned out over the balcony and screamed-sang along with “Living On a Prayer” and cheered for the brave souls who got up on the bar for a dance contest. I think I laughed and danced more in those three days than I had in the month prior. It was the boost of fun I didn’t even know I needed. 

Kathryn Jezer Morton has written about “camel mode,” the state parents find themselves in while in the throes of intensive caregiving, when your own needs fall to the very bottom of the priority list. You’re thinking about how to get enough time for a 20-minute workout, not which activities will bring you joy. A cheap cruise is the perfect break for moms or other caregivers in camel mode. You don’t have to trawl the internet for the best boutique hotels in the most scenic town near you, you don’t have to look up restaurants on Yelp or try to decide whether to pack your hiking shoes. When you book a budget cruise, you can pretty much just show up with a couple outfits and your bathing suit. If you keep your expectations low, you might be like me and come home refreshed and ready for another few months in the desert of parenting. 

Articles

“If I Only Have One Kid, Am I Even a Real Mom?” (Romper) - All the moms of onlies out there will get this one. Are people judging us or are we just judging ourselves?!

Books

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner - This memoir about a woman’s complicated relationship with her mom was SO GOOD. Definitely perfect for an audiobook because you get to hear the Korean words pronounced and also the author’s voice is lovely.

No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz - I took a long time to listen to this (another audiobook! I almost never listen to them, but two in this newsletter?). If you are interested in Internal Family Systems work this is excellent and it’s written for laypeople, not therapists. I would recommend you listen to it because the author leads you through some exercises that are integral to the book, and I find it easier to concentrate when I can close my eyes and be led through them.

Oh My Mother! by Connie Wang - Another immigrant-mom-themed memoir! This one was a lot more lighthearted. I enjoyed the author’s voice and self-deprecating humor. It’s an easy read but not without substance.

Podcasts

Everything Belongs podcast - This is a new podcast and I have loved every single episode. This is a bit niche; they’re going through Richard Rohr’s book Falling Upward chapter by chapter. Each episode is incredibly rich. The one on the hero/heroine’s journey is one I want to listen to every six months.

Taylor Swift and the Tortured Poets Aesthetic (Culture Study podcast) - This was such a fun listen. I’m not really a Swiftie but I do enjoy a lot of her songs and I definitely get a kick out of the cultural discourse she spawns.

TV

Life & Beth (Hulu) - To be honest, part of my motivation for sending this newsletter this week was to tell you how much I LOVED season two of Life & Beth (it was possibly even better than season one?!). This is such an incredible show that is somehow both hilarious and heartbreaking and heartwarming. It’s about grief and growing up without parents to guide you and how our past affects our present. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Family Movie Rec

School of Rock - I had never seen School of Rock but we watched it with Zadie the other night and it was so much fun! There’s definitely some language in it but it was mostly family friendly for Z’s age (8) and up, I’d say.

Wrapping Up

Well this was a quick and dirty version of Midweek Joy (not the essay—I wrote that a while back) because a few weeks ago I started a new full-time job! After giving freelance a try for a year I was ready for that sweet two-paychecks-a-month life and some financial peace of mind. But there’s no way to make full-time job + commuting + parenting NOT a grind, so I’m struggling with the transition. Telling myself it’s just a season and I’ll figure it out. I always do.

How are you? What kind of season are you in? What are you reading, watching, listening to? What do you want for Mother’s Day? (I wish I could go on a cruise again, or even just a solo trip to a day spa, idk. My brain is too full to think about it!) Hit reply or comment below. I love hearing from you!

All Good Things,

Joy